Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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