I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
