the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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