Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
