I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Come share oat with me in your robe
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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