i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
