I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize