My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
