That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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