YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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