All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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