i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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