Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just pee around me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
