Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
