Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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