It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
