My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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