We won't sleep together?
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
