sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize