I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize