i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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