I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
