Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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