Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
