Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
