My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
