fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize