I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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