Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
