did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize