he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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