I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize