I threw up into my coffee this morning.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
