Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
