i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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