I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
