no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
