Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
