i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
