I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
