You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
