im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
