I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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