how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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