if you like me you must not know who I am
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
