Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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