What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
