her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Are we still banned from the library?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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