??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
