i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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