My nipple is on Facebook.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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