question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
