i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
