He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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