I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
