Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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