I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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