Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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