you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
