you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
