I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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