In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
3 2 1 whiskey
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
