Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
