my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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