its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
where are you?
Hypothermia
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize