i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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