She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize