You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
