So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
