She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
