this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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