i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
