I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
