lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
