im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
